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Words From Elaine
With the holiday season upon us, our thoughts turn towards
our families. It is a time for parents to be reunited with
their children and for multiple generations to gather and
to celebrate the beauty of family. For the millions of people
who suffer the pain of infertility, however, the holidays
are an especially difficult time. The constant media images
of parents with their children are a painful reminder of what
is missing in their lives. Infertility is a devastating, emotionally
charged condition affecting over six million people. I should
know. I was one of them.
I was diagnosed with endometriosis at the age of twenty-three.
As a young newlywed couple, my husband and I entered the nightmarish
world of infertility. The goal of creating a new life turned
our entire existence upside down. Time became measured in
monthly cycles consisting of drugs, ultrasounds and inseminations.
The endless hormone shots, corresponding mood swings, humiliating
tests and clinically scheduled sexual encounters put an enormous
strain on our relationship. To the casual observer, we were
a happy couple. But inside, we were disintegrating. With each
unsuccessful attempt at creating a family, the foundation
of our marriage became weaker and weaker. I, however, was
one of the lucky ones. After five years and three surgeries,
I became pregnant. Today, I am the mother of three beautiful,
healthy daughters.
I still feel a strong kindred spirit with my fellow women
suffering from the emotional pain of infertility. It is far
too often a hidden disease, cloaked in sadness. So, the next
time you see a couple, who has been together for a while,
do not ask them when they are finally going to have a baby.
Be sensitive for you just never know if they are part of the
six million suffering from infertility. A baby may just be
the one gift that they want most this holiday season.
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Tips
for Coping With Infertility
Stop playing the blame game. Placing
blame for one partner's fertility issues only serves to add
stress and guilt to an already difficult situation.
Teamwork. You are your partner are
in this together. Create a game plan and a timeline for trying
to conceive that is acceptable to you both.
Relax. You are incapable of controlling
your infertile status. All you can do is to work with the
doctors to try and make your parenting dream a reality.
Educate yourself. Research the latest
fertility treatments so that you can understand your particular
medical situation and the options available to you.
Stay in the moment. Don't let the fertility
roller-coaster take over your whole life. Enjoy your current
life, friendships and relationships.
Stick with it. Fertility treatments
are a long-term commitment. It takes an entire month for each
treatment cycle. Be patient. A baby is worth waiting for.
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Survival
Tips for Husbands of Pregnant Women
Hormones. Don't mention that word ever.
I mean it.
Embrace your wife's changing body.
She's insecure enough about her newfound girth. Help her to
feel sexy.
Listen to her. Just be there as a sounding
board for all of her fears and anxieties.
Participate in her doctor visits. Be
an active partner in this pregnancy.
Help out around the house. By making
life easier for your wife, you'll make yours so much happier.
Enjoy your time together as a couple.
Soon your focus and your time will be dedicated to the needs
of your newborn.
Relax ! This too shall pass. Remember,
pregnancy only lasts nine months. It just feels like an eternity.
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